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Lexie's Journal

Lexie struggles with her weight but is learning how to trust her body again with Am I Hungry?

The pizza is calling me
Posted on 09/28/2007 @ 6:16 PM

I'm sitting at my desk working on the Teller Manual...and I want to eat this pizza that is screaming my name. Yesterday the bookkeeping department had a pizza party to celebrate winning "Pink Day" and it was my responsibility to order and deliver the pizzas. They smelled sooo good. Today they put the leftover pizza in the kitchen for anyone to enjoy. I'm not hungry. I am a "5" on the scale right now, neither hungry or full. Because the pizza is calling to me, I put aside two pieces to eat when I am hungry. It will still be there when I get hungry, and it will taste better when I'm hungry. If I wait to eat it until I am hungry I will enjoy it more and won't have to face regret afterwords. But it's still a struggle. I'm not choosing to wait because I want to be "good." I'm not choosing to wait because I want to lose weight. I'm choosing to wait because it will improve my life. Not waiting would be momentary enjoyment followed by regret and feeling uncomfortably full. "Leeeexxieeeeee......" (that's the pizza) and I'm sitting here thinking, "Hurry and write this so you can eat the pizza!" *smile* Ok...so the pizza doesn't taste THAT good...what else might be driving my desire to eat right now? I feel like a child being told I can't have it....AGAIN. That's why it's upsetting to me. That rebellion coming up..."I can TOO have it so there!" I'm not a child. I CAN have it if I choose it. No one is telling me not to or that I can't. I'm CHOOSING not to. I'M choosing not to. Deep, slow breaths. I'm going to take a short walk, then get back to the teller manual.

Michelle May M.D.

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