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Lexie's Journal

Lexie struggles with her weight but is learning how to trust her body again with Am I Hungry?

One step at a time
Posted on 02/16/2007 @ 12:04 AM

I see myself gradually changing - like not bothering to finish foods that don't taste good. I went to the movies alone, something I've never done before. Then I ventured out just to drive with no particular destination in mind. I know that when I am reaching for food when I am not hungry I will NOT find satisfaction in eating. I felt depressed and alone last weekend. Eating did NOT make me feel better. Going to the movie made me feel better. Driving made me feel better. Cleaning my house made me feel better. Not once did eating make me feel better or improve my mood. Not once. Why? Because I wasn't physically hungry all weekend. I didn't give my body a chance to be hungry. I said all the "right" things to myself but I chose not to follow through. Why? Sometimes because I just didn't want to make the effort. Eating was easier than cleaning house. Eating was easier than figuring out where to go for entertainment. Eating was easier than working on my newsletter and even easier than enjoying the sunshine. Eating is easy. Dealing with the consequences of eating when I am not hungry is not so easy. There is no room or reason for guilt and shame. Beating myself up will NOT improve my chances of succeeding. It's over and done with. It's in the past. Right now is a new moment and I can choose to make better choices. I'm going to be walking for an hour in Relay for Life. I know from experience that it won't take a lot to get me up where I was before with walking. If I start at 15 minutes and increase it a little each day, I will be back up to an hour soon. I am going to start immediately.

Michelle May M.D.

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